Anguish
by Bishounenchaser
Summary: Rangiku knew she couldn’t have him. That was why she was in the situation she is in now...


Took another break of _Evanescence_ but the next chapter will be up sometime this week. I also took a different writing approach. I hope you all enjoy the result.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach

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Rangiku knew she couldn't have him.

His heart belongs to another and how could she compare? Yes, she was one of the most-

_Confused… _

_Hurt… _

_Lonely… _

-desirable women in the soul society, but what good was that when the one she wanted took no notice of her affections? She was jealous of Hinamori. The girl held the heart of the most wonderful man she had ever known and didn't even acknowledge it. How could she not notice his longing gaze? Did she think he protected her as fiercely as he did just because they were friends? She was a complete fool.

Hitsugaya Toshirou was her-

_Best friend… _

_Unrequited love… _

_Pain… _

-captain. There was a line between them that he would have never been willing to cross even if he held feelings for her. Not that rules ever mattered to Rangiku, but her captain would rather die than to go against the rules unless he fiercely believed it caused more hurt than good. That was one of the things she loved about him. He would be willing to die for someone he cared for or some cause he believed in. He had done so many times for her; it made her hoped that maybe she had a chance. It was her mistake to think-

_That he had taken notice… _

_That he loved her too… _

_That they could be together… _

-that it was something more; she was his friend, of course he wasn't going to let her die. It was frustrating going around like this. It wasn't as though she hadn't revealed her feelings for him. That had been a devastating day but she had to downplay her pain in order to remain his lieutenant. She knew he had felt guilty for turning her down, but even if Hinamori wasn't recognizing his feelings he would remain loyal to her. The office had been-

_Hell… _

_Painful… _

_Unbearable… _

-awkward for a few weeks after that; she had to force herself back to normal in order to rid the division of the tension and put to rest their subordinates' unease. Toshirou seemed to appreciate that and she felt horrible that her feelings had been a burden to him.

She never wanted to be any trouble to her captain, but she still wasn't one to keep her feelings locked up forever. That was why she was in the situation she was in now. She couldn't remember how it came to be this way, or perhaps she didn't want to remember. It wasn't as though she was using him. He knew full well how she felt about her captain. It was only sex. That didn't stop her from feeling a bit-

_Dirty… _

_Whorish… _

_Cruel… _

-guilty about the whole thing. She could forget it though in the moments they shared together, like now. They were slick with sweat and breathing heavily. Her back arched and her toes curled as he touched her in places no one else has ever done before. A moan escaped her lips as his hot mouth on was her skin, sucking and biting as though marking his territory. Her nails ran down his back as she hissed in his ear when he touched a particularly sensitive spot and she briefly noted that he was going to have marks in the morning. Then he was thrusting into her more than willing body temporarily filling a void within her. Even though she knew it was-

_Wrong… _

_Unhealthy… _

_Irreversible… _

-him above her, she would close her eyes and pretend that it was Toshirou. That it was Toshirou murmuring her name into her ear and kissing her tenderly on the face. It was Toshirou who she was with and they were making love to express their feelings for one another. It was enough to bring her to her peak and he followed soon after her. Then they lied in silence and the weight of their actions came crashing down on Rangiku. Tears sprung into her eyes and she cried much to his dismay. He didn't leave though. He never left. He held her tightly and allowed her to cry. She knew it was killing him, she saw the way he looked at her now. He wanted her to himself but obviously didn't think he stood a chance against the one she loved so deeply. Rangiku agreed with him, her-

_Body… _

_Soul… _

_Mind… _

-heart belonged to Toshirou. Even if he never returned her feelings, he would always have her heart. He captivated her with his smile, voice, and presence. It wasn't something that was going to go away. They both knew this. So she cried. She cried out of guilt of the situation and the pain of unrequited love. He continued to hold her until she cried herself to sleep. The night would always end the same with her repeating the same phrase over and over again.

"I'm sorry, Renji…"

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End file.
